Life After Teaching: Sticker Book

For many years, as Christmas gifts, I’ve given my oldest daughter the same three things: a coloring book, a journal, and a sticker book. All three of these are activities that she uses to de-stress, and I’ve gotten into the habit of keeping an eye out for any that look like something she might enjoy.

A couple of weeks before Christmas I ducked into a big-box store to get some much needed underwear. In the borderland between bras and underwear I notice a display of sticker books. Naturally I stopped to take a peek. Out of the four different choices, I found two that looked right up my daughter’s alley. I hemmed and hawed over which to choose and then had an epiphany: why don’t I get both and I can keep one. Just for me.

“Why not?” I thought as I tossed them both into the cart. Ever since I left teaching I’ve been getting progressively more restless. I don’t really know what to do with myself. I know that this is a decompression period: I went from having the constant presence of schoolwork on my shoulders to having the weight that the job carries just go ‘poof.’ It’s what I feel the first week or two of summer vacation except now I know it’s permanent.

I’m not going to lie - I was excited to try this activity. Excited to join with one of my kids in an activity that they enjoy and to explore something new.

Later that day, I sat down on the couch, grabbed my sticker book and got busy. The first page I found awkward; the stickers were in the back of the book while the picture was upfront. Flipping back and forth was plain annoying. About 2/3 of the way through I realized I could tear the sticker page out. Sigh.

I completed that first picture and a second picture. Huh. It wasn’t what I expected. I started thinking about what I could do with these completed pictures. Then I realized what I was thinking and how ridiculous that was - why does something have to be done with this? After all, this is supposed to be for enjoyment and distraction.

This is my brain. My brain does not want to relax.

Today, I finished a third picture. I did this while talking to my younger daughter on the phone. It was a nice way to pass the time while chatting with her - relatively mindless. But again, I won’t lie. I don’t see the charm of this activity. It could be I need to give it more time. Maybe I’m not in the right mindset to appreciate it.

Or maybe I need to be more patient with myself. I resigned from my teaching position for a few different reasons, one of which was to try something new. As much as I loved being in school, working with middle schoolers and living my “why,” I’ve recently become aware of time and where I am in the timeline of my life. I have some ideas I’d like to explore, but first, I need to give myself permission to transition. It is necessary for me to sit in this uncomfortable period of not having so much structure and purpose. To take space to sort through my ideas, rank them by how real they are and prioritize them by importance.

To help keep me in this phase, I’ll keep working my way through that sticker book. Perhaps that is what is to be done with that sticker book? One sticker, one picture at a time.