Life After Teaching: Again with the Dreams

Not to anyone's surprise, I get excited when August rolls around and it is time to get ready for school. As a child, I (mostly) enjoyed back to school shopping with my mom and my enjoyment only increased when I became a mother to three who don't necessarily share my level of excitement.

However this year, when the calendar page flipped to August, my excitement was tempered with sadness and longing. How is it manifesting? Yup, the dreams are back.

Over the summer, I occasionally wondered how I would feel when August came around. As the day for teacher's to report to their schools approached, the emotions of sadness and being left behind increased. I know myself and having another focus would help distract me. I kept busy with getting my youngest child ready for school. I applied and received a retail license to pursue a gift basket business, worked on building a website, and securing materials for the gift baskets. We took a last minute trip to New York to visit our oldest daughter and her fiancé.

I tried. I really did.

Two nights before school began, I dreamed again about being in school. I was in another teacher's classroom - I don't remember why - and we were talking. I remember thinking "It feels like I never left." I was happy and excited. When I woke up I knew that channeling my attention into other things hadn't worked. I was going to have to sit with these feelings.

Plainly, I miss teaching. I miss interacting with students. I miss being in a school building. I miss the comradery of my collagues. I miss the rhythm of the days, the year.

I am just realizing that a large part of my identity was attached to being a teacher. Someone close to me pointed out that I'm grieving over losing that identity. He pointed out that I still am a teacher, just not in the traditional classroom sense. Yes but except for still parenting my children, I'm not sure how else that identity still exists.

Perhaps its through being open about working my way through the emotions of my post-educator life? I know I'm not unique in this. And God knows I don't have a clear vision of what post-life will be.

Maybe, as I continue to work on accepting my time as an educator is behind me, I can have a dream (or two) that shows me what is next as opposed to the past.