I give up. I quit. I can not do this.
I was so motivated when I last posted. We were on vacation, far less responsibility then if I was home, and I felt like I could sit down and kick out some serious wordage. Nope. That lasted two days and then I got distracted (but I did write 2,763 words). You know, doing fun stuff, exploring the area, shopping. I came home very well rested but disappointed in myself. I certainly didn't establish new BEHAVIORS. And once we got home I didn't make the writing a priority. So after berating myself night after night over not making time for this I decided I'd just let it go. Perhaps it is not the right time for me to try and shove it into my schedule. I am smack dab in the middle of raising a family and my husband runs a company which takes up gobs of his time. Something has to give. God knows I have enough other junk to feel guilty about without heaping this onto the pile. I admit once I made this decision I felt a lot better. I suddenly felt I had some space….odd isn't it since my perception was that my lack of writing was due to a space issue! But I was also mad at myself for giving up. That's not like me. That's not the example I want to set for my kids.
But a funny thing happened. I got what I view as signs that I should not give up. First it was the trickling in of people deciding to follow me on Twitter. Not those bots either. Real people who write. It really made my day when that happened. The second sign was a link that Alice Hoffman (one of my all time favorite authors) posted on her Facebook page. It was to an interview done by the Boston Globe where four authors talked about their writing careers in relation to motherhood. (http://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/2015/04/21/writers-who-are-also-mothers/cR5vtbbIuFlsjuVh3zWXHI/story.html). It validated that it is indeed hard to do! I'm not missing something in this process.
And then the biggest sign. Back in January I had volunteered to be a blog contributor to the Book Blog, a blog hosted on the digital edition of our area's largest daily newspaper. The managing editor emailed me back and said he'd like me to come on board. But then I heard nothing. For months. Out of the blue, last week he emailed me again, said the Book Blog was ready to get running again and asked if I was still interested in being a contributor. I told him I was in! So I've been busy writing my first post. Then I hopped over to here and started writing this post. The renewed enthusiasm I have for sitting my keister in the chair and writing has been huge. Like I haven't felt guilty that I haven't done anything else today except write two blog posts and run two loads of laundry. What is even more reassuring is that once I started writing each post the words just came and I was in a happy place :) Here is the link to my first post:
Maybe I can do this. Maybe I'm not a quitter. Maybe what I need to quit is the self imposed deadline I have in my head and just let it happen as it will.